Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
