I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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