a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
