I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
