Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize