FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
