I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
