my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
