well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
