he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
