thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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