I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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