That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
