i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
