the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
