she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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