Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
