3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
