i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
