I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You took a bar mat shot.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
