There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
