A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
