Whatcha textin bout Willis?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
