I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's blow job season.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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