i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize