but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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