Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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