I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
