Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
