dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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