A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
