Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
