i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
