she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
