Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
