i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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