The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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