so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
