I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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