I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want a musical about memes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
