Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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