So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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