and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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