I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
