Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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