If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
