From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
