dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
