South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
