Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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