just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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