I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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