I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Terrible idea I love it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
