The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't turn off my feet"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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