You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
