The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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