Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
