I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
