I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
