I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
