woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
