Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
