I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Panties = found
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
