I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
