Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
