Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
