Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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