The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
